waste my time in sch~ very late than get to know no bio extra lesson today!! mrs ng say she got tell a student to pass msg to us de.. but in the end no 1 know abt it!! make me waste my time in sch~~ so went home lor.. at 5.30 i suppose to go for CO CMC meeting de~~ but too tired le so i skip the CMC meeting~~ *ops*
than went to church.. suddenly change to fri for this week.. donno wat they doin lah!than on the bus, i saw some1!!!! i donno whether is her a not..(cos never go ask mah..) but i can feel is her.. cos she never change a bit! lol.. and her movement is same as b4! well.. she is my friend in pri sch.. but only same class in p1 and 2... although only p1 and 2, but how to say... only know tt the feeling is still there... haiz... when saw her *she never saw me* i suddenly rmb all my pri sch life.. i feel like crying.. suddenly really wish to go to the past... i think me and her get along well in pri sch.. mayb we both charater same ba.. (my charater in pri sch is not same as now...) REAL DIFF!!!!
than reach church.... i then know is got confession lor~ when i get to know, i very sian and wanna go home~ but gd thing i never.. or else i cant feel god presence once again.. (don tink i bluff.. is real... i felt it!) than after praying, so suang! i felt relax.. burden gone~ no stress.. and i CRIED! auto de leh~~ while praying felt god.. than tears auto come out... lol! after tt became quite sad.. donno... mayb i sudden realise tt me never done my best.. no matter is in studies or my personality...
hmm... i suddenly also thinks tt [wo zuo ren hen shi bai] i sometime feel like i m a entertainer to some ppl... or a worker... donno lah.. is like still cant find some1 really know me de... can know wat i thinking and feels... hmm.. mayb i always use a mask to face ppl ba... never show my real charater out...(tt y cant find some1 really know me??) it is also the reason i never say my feeling to any1.. cos i know they wont understand... so when ppl tell me they know me... they understand me, i think is bluff...cos i never show my real charater out how u understand me...
somehow, when i alone, (sometimes in sch) my real charater come out... i can feel the change in it... (erm.. me not 2 charater ppl hor) but however, i kept forcing it to go back... mayb i already [xi guan] to use a mask to face every1... i tink i need to stop using mask le... or else one day i sure cant go back to b myself again... i need help... i need some1 to help me get out of this... i feel bad!!
so 1 day... if u think tt i change to another person, not the anne u know last time, don think i change.. is i succed to b myself again... and i get my real freedom~~~
